My existence, whether it appears to meet the latest beauty ideals or not, is worth a lot more than just to be a before picture. This is not me sharing a shameful secret or me forcing myself to "take accountability" for my appearance. This is just me trying my damnedest, and I do mean damnedest, to take care of my body.
When each of us looks in the mirror, none of us deserve the embarrassment and sense of failure that many of us so often carry because of the way we look. Something as silly as the reflection in the mirror should not hang heavy like an albatross around our necks.
Everyone has their own story about what they don't like when they look in the mirror and what they wish people could understand before passing judgment on their looks. For me, I have this Lyme disease that, truth be told, has many devastating "invisible" symptoms. These should carry more weight (no pun intended) in terms of the things that are troubling me and limiting me. But that's not the message society gives me. Even with the progress we've made in anti-fat-shaming, when you still insist on talking about my size all the time (please stop passive-aggressively asking me about my diet and workout routine), I'm just over here wondering if I look fat.
Newsflash: I do. I am. Actually "fat" is not as accurate as "morbidly obese," if we're speaking in precise medical terminology, as defined by charts and numbers. But I don't want to hate myself for that, because I've got bigger fish to fry. I'm over here trying every conventional or unconventional approach to health so that I can live my best life. I have never in my life put such high focus and priority on trying to get healthy. But health does not necessarily correlate to numbers on a scale--there are more important health factors to address, though they may not all be visible or exactly measurable.
If one day I do recover completely from Lyme, I may see a smaller version of myself in the mirror. Or I may see this same stomach and these same stretch marks that are here right now. But I'm determined not to wait for that moment to decide whether I have value and whether I'm worth loving.
Please help me. I'm trying my best to be stronger than superficial judgments, and most days I am! But some days they still hurt. So please help me by believing in me, believing that there's no reason to delay doing everything I can to live my best life right now. Please support me in making no apologies for doing this with as much joy and happiness as I possibly can, without further ado.
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